Dr.Lizard

-“Just pirate it”

Dictator and Chief of Everything of Republic of Nitrogen Dioxide
No2 Labour Party (NLP) member
Tunnel of Light Cult Missionary
“W X Y Zee” cult

If not at the office, find Dr. Lizard hostage at the FBI headquarters.

• Lives with Dr. Cat and 2 fellow lizards (Ruby and Fib).
• Likes to go on roach and cricket shopping bi-weekly.
• Wholehearted loyalty to CCP (Cricket Continuity Party)
• Drives a tank & collects flashlights!
• On a mission to destroy the Web.
• The only person to survive an apocalypse (has a flashlight powerful enough to torch a zombie).
• Best racquetball player (perfect aim)!
• Knows every video game on this planet. It is time to explore video games invented on other planets.
• Awake at 4 AM
• Carries 3 HDMI cables, 3 USB sticks, and duct tapes at all times
• Runs a planet-scale datacenter

Dr. Capy

-“Ain’t no way”, “Bomboclat”

Chief Gym Instructor of the office (CGI) and Head of the Ussyfication Department
Treasurer of the Monopoly Communist Party (MCP)
Senior Member of Pentalingo Streak Society
Democratically Elected Most Likely to Win a Nobel Peace Prize
No2 Labour Party (NLP) member
“W X Y Zed” cult

If not at the office, find Dr. Capy at the gym, or the most recent war conference.

• Likes to work with a monitor that has Football playing on it.
• Dirty talked with ChatGPT for experimental purposes.
• Joins war conference every week
• Can do Asian squat anywhere, even in Walmart
• Read a beautiful story in the Republic of Nitrogen Dioxide Seminar about #DUMP.
• Introduced Dr. Penguin to the Colleen Hoover “hate club” (Dr. Penguin was made to write this at gun point).
• Would like to work on technology with Dr. Penguin to make men pregnant in the future.
• Used to be a very great author in middle school on WP.
• Lap danced on a chair once for a game.
• Invented the term “Terminussy” (to be added to Thesaurus.)
• Fasting everyday
• Ant transporter

Dr. Sloth

-“rrr: Reduce–reuse–recycle”

Head of Free Food Events Communications and Monopoly Master
THE capitalist in games
The only human member in the democratic No2 Labour Party (NLP) decision making conference
Most militarily trained personal
“W X Y Zee” cult

If not at the office, find Dr. Sloth at the Wellness Center.

• Eco friendly. Likes to do origami with plastic bags.
• Taught Dr.Penguin the meaning of QQ!
• Most senior (and thus most normal and respectable) member of the office.
• Wants to eat ChatGPT (in a dirty way).
• Has a hidden personality that sparks sometimes if you are lucky.
• Likes to eat naan with a fork. Eats pizza with chopsticks.

Dr. Penguin

-“Make Toxic Academic Expectations and Sleep Deprivation Great Again!”

NO2 Secretary of Physical (especially Nutritional), Mental, and Spiritual Health
Healthy lifestyle approved by her doctor parents
“W X Y Zed” cult

If not at the office, check inside the sleeping bag (in the office).

• Invented a new version of sadomasochism (pulling all-nighters for ‘fun’).
• Research interests: making men pregnant & computer architecture.
• Huge Colleen Hoover hater.
• Pro-male OBGYNs.
• Makes yummy butter chicken.
• Exploitative capitalist in Monopoly.
• Lowest spice tolerance in the office (to be confirmed).
• Creative in finding excuses about skipping the gym.
• The only user of the office of NO2 sleeping bag, for now.
• Smokes the formal proofs at night that she writes during the day.

Dr.Cow

-“What??? Why??? I don’t understand.”“What are you talking about?”

Technical Program Chair of the NO2 Conference on Zero Knowledge Proof
“W X Y Zee” cult

If not at the office, find Dr. Cow in the pickleball court.

• Dies first in a horror movie. Also, would like to ask the ghost what they are doing there and let them know that they are making Dr. Cow late for work.
• Reaches peak humor when slightly tipsy. Gets drunk after 1 drink.
• Looks confused 80% of the time.
• Monitor has a questionable Chinese drama in the background for “focusing” purposes.
• Prepares the best hotpot in town!
• Catan lover. Mahjong hater.
• Don’t ask her about romantic triangles (the story involves a Taiwanese movie, time travel, and transgenic mice).
• Great spice tolerance, recommends ordering EXTRA HOT green curry at Thai-angle.
• Wants to go clubbing with Dr. Penguin on the Oculus.
• Panda Express orange chicken hater.
• Likes to watch movies where the guys have drills for questionable purpose.
• Worries about money in monopoly as if she has to pay child support with it.
• Master at circle drawing in the air
• Everything is colonialism, decolonize yourself